Fatty vs. the Wale (take two)

Well OBVIOUSLY I fell off the wagon.  No, not only because I have not posted in a few months, but because there are serious wheel marks all down my back and my face has been thoroughly shoved down into the mud.  I'm a mess. Sure I was making progress, but you know what happened? I stopped.  I hit another plateau.  And I got depressed.  Really depressed. I started thinking about how I will never be able to eat like a "normal" human again.  You know, "normal" that word that really means everyone but you when you're comparing yourself to others. I started feeling like everyone could enjoy what they ate besides me.  By the way "normal" in no way means "healthy".  I was thinking of the "normal" junk-food-overeating-American-way-of-eating-normal.  I LOVE my food.  I love to eat. And you know what, I was going to eat. Eff-it. I'm over the whole diet thing, I mean hey, what could really happen? So I gain a few pounds back, but at least I'm enjoying life again and enjoying what I was eating.

If only it were that simple.  I'm making bad food choices again, and that means I'm being a bad roll model for the kiddo.  This simply will not do. I didn't just gain back a few pounds, I gained back A LOT of pounds, so much that my jeans that were almost too big for me at the end of January are now a touch too small.  The worst was hearing people say "Don't let all your hard work go to waste". Great cause that only makes me feel worse.

Food and I have a vicious cycle, best described by Fat Bastard: "I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I eat."  I get upset that I'm not losing weight, so I sabotage myself and end up gaining weight back,  then I get upset that I'm gaining weight back so I eat more because "it doesn't matter".  Then I gain MORE weight and I eat MORE food. How many of you have been where I am?  I had this speech that I gave about 6 months ago to a friend talking about excuses.  I was ragging on about making too many excuses for being overweight. And you know what, I was back in that mode after 2 years of being out of it. It MUST be the gluten, if I just stop eating gluten it will go away.  I CAN'T lose weight so why bother? I'll never be "skinny". I was a downward spiral going way out of control.  Not only was dairy back in my diet, but gluten was.

So again I found myself standing in front of the mirror looking at my whale of a twin wondering how in the WORLD did I get here? I had a picture taken of me the other day and realized how bad it really was.  I totally imagined that I looked so much skinner than I do. My face is starting to show my increase in weight, I have a muffin top in my size 12s.  Life is not good. I'm not healthy any more. I need change.

I need help with changing.

I realized I don't do so well on my own.  I need supervision. I need help.  I need someone who is going to TELL me what to do each day and how to do it.  And more, I need something besides Paleo.  I enjoy a lot of Paleo meals, and I still think that Paleo is great, but it is not always so realistic in today's society.  I cannot always eat at restaurant that are only organic.  There are going to be times I want to go to the movies and enjoy some popcorn.  There are going to be times I'm going to want that horribly bad for me Pazookie from BJ's (hey at least it's gluten free).  I need to find a balance between the Paleo diet and my real life.

As I was feeling down I was out with my mom at the farmers market.  Looking at all the organic veggies and finding that for the first time in days I was actually hungry.  That was an exciting feeling, my body was craving healthy foods. My body was begging for fuel. Next thing I know my daughter is pulling me towards the kettle corn stand. Okay I think, popcorn is not that great for you, but in the scheme of things its not too bad. So I order her a small and offer some to my mom.

"Nope" she says, "I can't have that.".

I'm confused. My mom LOVES popcorn more than I do.  "What do you mean you can't have that?" 

"I mean that I can't have that. It's not on my diet."

WHOA WHOA WHOA...hold your horsey there Skippy, diet? My mom on a diet? The last diet my mom was on was diet coke. I'm shocked but then worried.  The last real diet I remember her trying was Atkins, and I was worried that she was doing some crash diet.

"What 'diet' are you on?"

"I can't have anything but protein for 3 days."

Okay, cause that explains a lot. "WHAT diet is it? is it healthy, why only protein?"

"I"m doing it through a doctor it's healthy."

She goes on to explain what she is doing.  The whole time I'm finding that I'm starting to feel jealous.  I'm jealous because she has made the amazing decision to stop making excuses for herself and start doing something about her unhealthy lifestyle.  It was one of those moments where I realized why I love my mom so much and why she has always been such an amazing role model for me. I was jealous that my mom was going to get healthy and she was making changes, but I was going to be stuck face down in the mud with only my whale twin to keep me company.  This would not do.  So I get more information, she is going through a doctor, it costs a lot of money and insurance won't pay for it.

Can someone explain to me why insurance companies are willing to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars for bypass surgeries, and staple surgeries and lap band surgeries, but they are not willing to pay for a health care provider to monitor your eating habits and make sure you are loosing weight in a healthy manor? I mean it is a FRACTION of the price to just give us some guidance and such than it is to have surgery.

I end up finding out that this weight loss doctor is also a PCM, interesting...I need a new PCM.  Reviews are great, seems to be a good person. So a plan hatches. MUAHAHAHA.  I will switch to him as my PCM...then see if he can prescribe this weightless treatment plan. I mean my mom is with Kaiser so anything she does outside of them is not covered. But if I'm his patient then just maybe! So we come to today.  My evil plan of tricking the doctor is going to come up.  I have my in take appointment.  I have never met with a nicer PCM. He listened, and sat there and answered every question I had about every health problem I've EVER had and gave me advice and options for each one.  We finally got to the weight one.  He goes over his plan and why he is confident it will work for me. There was a moment where I wondered if I was talking to a Used Car Salesmen.  I was so convinced that I NEEDED this.

But then it hit me. I did NEED this.  This was not a want this was a need.  Granted it is expensive and I do not have much free money for myself each month. But you know what. I can't live like this.  I NEED change.  So he works some things out with me to get some of the things covered by insurance (like the labs, tests etc). I do some quick math in my head and realize that I'm not leaving the house for any reason over the next three months, but I'm in.

You know what happened in that moment.  I was happy.  I had a plan.  He had a goal for me and he was confident I would reach my goal in 8-12 weeks.  8-12 weeks to hit my end goal.  But treatment doesn't end at just reaching the goal.  It continues far beyond that until I have fully changed my lifestyle and learn how NOT to put the weight back on.  So I can learn how to fit in that Pazookie every now and then, or that popcorn.  Not only am I happy, but I"m excited.  I also started thinking that I know why I did so well the first time I did the Paleo cleanse.  I PAID for it.  I was paying to be apart of a group of people who were all doing the cleanse.  I was paying to have the trainer and the nutritionist tell me exactly what to do every step of the way.  I made it 6 months last time, this time I barely made it the 28 days.

This time I'm paying for it, so I have to commit or it is just a waste of money.  I have to make this work. I have to find a way to change my life so I can pass on good eating habits to my daughter.  So here I go again.  Fatty against the Whale. I can still make my yearly goal.  I can still change my lifestyle I can still do it.  I had a set back but I will not accept failure.

May 18th I start my new program, and if you're interested come along for the ride.  Here is to never having to write Fatty vs the Whale (take 3).

and a ray of sunshine. blue jean sunshine.

i was feeling rather down and out that i didn't lose as much weight as i had hoped to. for the most part, i stuck to the diet pretty well. i had an occasional weak moment here and there but compared to how i was eating before, this was an entirely different ball field. a much healthier ball field. regardless, seeing those numbers stop dropping on the scale bummed me out. how is it that i cut out all the crap in my diet and i still only managed to lose ten pounds?!

then it happened. i ran out of my stretchy jeans and reached for an old pair and rubber band to ghetto rig the button. you know that trick, right? please tell me you know that trick. anyways, a funny thing happened. as i was looping the rubber band around the button, i realized the button actually reached the button hole. i took a deep breath and looped the button through the hole. holy crap. they buttoned. not one week before, i was no where near buttoning these jeans. not even close. i could hear the poor rubber band moaning as i tried to close them. not this time. this time, they fit.

it hit me then, i may not have lost as much weight as i had hoped but i did lose some inches. i'll take it. i'm totally rocking these jeans from now on and i refuse to use that rubber band ever again. it's currently retired in the bahamas (aka: the trash).

Who knew diet food could taste like this?!

So normally when I start eating healthy I start feeling so deprived! I mean really, food tends to be bland.  I had the concept that if it tasted good, I probably couldn't or really shouldn't eat it. However I started researching some sites for gluten free and paleo diet approved recipes.  Mainly because Lazy was telling me that she has been receiving notes from people asking about recipes.  I was AMAZED when I started looking through some of them. I have to say I really like the site Paleo Diet Lifestyle.  The recipes on there seemed so unreal.  I already linked a few from this site, the Zucchini Cakes and the Pesto Mashed Potatoes.  Holy moly! I was looking at these pictures like...no way.  There is NO WAY these things are paleo approved! They look way way too delicious.  So I had to try them out. I invited the BF over for dinner, I had originally convinced him to go to the gym with me, but I got so hungry that I changed it to me cooking some new recipes (always a scary thought) and us eating a nice healthy dinner at home.  

I started out my adventure at Whole Foods.  Why go to all the trouble of eating 100% paleo with these recipes and not doing organic.  At least this time.  That and there were some things I wasn't sure I would be able to pick up at Safeway (although their organic food and gluten free selection is growing).  One of my new favorite finds is Ghee.  Its a butter that is acceptable on the Paleo Diet.  What?! Butter?! NO WAY! And let me tell you its tastes just fine. I had almost all the ingredients when the BF showed up at whole foods.  Perfect.  Just in time for my internal debate and struggle on which type of flour to buy.  The recipe called for Almond flower, but they were out.  Now I had to think about and pick from about 14 other types of flower that were all approved.  On a side note- I would really like to think that the reason Whole Foods was out of Almond Flour was because so many of you amazing fans read our blog and just had to run out and try this recipe as well.  I settled on Hazelnut Flour, I figured it was a nut and I like hazelnut, so hopefully the texture and taste would be okay with the recipe.  

Shredding Zucchini

potatoes cooking

I got home and started preparing everything.  I really am not that great of a cook, I fake it well though.  I really only know how to cook 3 or 4 things, I just rotate them and hope the people in my life do not get too bored with their food options.  After this let's make that 5-6 things I can make. These recipes were so easy! I started off with the zucchini cakes as I felt they would take the most time.  I shredded the zucchini and added the salt and let it sit as instructed.  While that was sitting I peeled and cut up the potatoes and got them in the boiling water to soften them up.   I switched over to the chicken, threw some seasoning, garlic into a bag and mixed it all up with the chicken.  That was going to get to sit for a bit to marinate. Had I been more prepared I would have started the chicken marinating hours prior. 

ready to de-water

Back to the zucchini.  I had to squeeze all the water out...Umm have you ever done this?! The recipe said I would be shocked by how much water came out. NO JOKE.  It was an endless supply of water! That got transferred back into the bowl once it was de-watered, and the final ingredients were added into the mix.  Back to the potatoes where I drained them.  Adding the Ghee and garlic into the pot to melt and infuse with each other.  Oil into another pan for the chicken. Lastly some ghee into a third pan for the zucchini.  I made the patties out of the zucchini mixture and once the ghee was melted and coating the pan, I threw some in.  Chicken on, then potatoes back into their pan and mashed.  I added the pesto into the potatoes, flipped the zucchini and then flipped the chicken. (Aren't you loving my play by play, hey I'm really impressed with my skills on this one okay?) A little coconut milk to make the potatoes fluffy. Zucchini cakes out of pan, next batch in.  Eventually I had everything done and the BF and I sat down to eat. 

Zucchini cakes in the pan

I was nervous.  Other than the chicken this was all relatively new to me.  Sure I have made mashed potatoes before but they normally include mass amounts of cheese and butter and sour cream and sometimes even cream cheese. No way these could taste good.  Yet...they were amazing.  I scarfed them down.  I waited for the BF to try the zucchini cakes.  Now zucchini is a new like to me in the last couple years.  I really did not care for the taste before then.  I wasn't so sure if I would like this or not.  He liked it, that was a good sign.  I tried them and they were so good I couldn't wait to go get another cake.  All that I could think about was how good this food was, and how I was somehow getting away with something for eating it all. I had seconds of the zucchini and the potatoes.  I ate a huge breast of chicken.  I was so mad at myself for overeating yet again.  I mean I just got back down after my last over eating attack at the Mexican restaurant.  This was going to be bad for both me and my waist line.  Yet the next more I had still lost a pound! NO WAY.  Delicious food, and a lot of it, and I can still lose weight?! This paleo diet really isn't going to be as hard as I thought to maintain.  

Some things I figured out while making these....The potatoes could have used more garlic.  I will be doubling it next time I make them. Also, there is so much importance to getting the water out of the zucchini.  I didn't get as much out as I probably could have and they did not cook up as much as in the picture from the recipe.  They fell apart easily as well.  I have made these again (last night with the help of my niece) and they came out so much better.   I added a bit more flower, and had M squeeze as much water as she could out.  

Finished Pesto Mashed Potatoes

Finished Zucchini Cakes

Paleo Diet Approved Meal

If you're looking for a great gluten free meal or a great paleo diet meal, this is it! I def will not combine the potatoes and the zucchini into one meal again (both were pretty rich) but I now know they are good! Try them out! Let me know how you like them, or any alterations you made to the recipes! 

Goodbye Cleanse.

Contender #1: Lazy Ass

Weight: 140 lbs

Last Week's Weight: ??

Starting Weight: 150 lbs

Loss this week: ??

Total Loss: 10 lbs

Goal: 125 (pounds to go: 15)

Contender #2: Fatty

Weight: 158 lbs (Hello plateau.)

Last Week's Weight: 158

Starting Weight: 170 lbs

Loss this week: 0

Total Loss: 12 lbs

Goal: 135 (pounds to go: 23)

Wow first month down already?! Time has seriously flown by.  I feel pretty good.  Want to know how I know I'm feeling good? Because I did a little indulging and I felt sick! So sick.  That means the cleanse has worked.  I have all the bad stuff out of my system and now when I taste it, my body rejects it. I am on the right track with everything! Weight wise I am not where I had hoped to be but I am still making progress. I have been running pretty much ever day in training for the half marathon that is in just a few weeks.  Both Lazy and I have put some weight back on, I am hoping it is mostly because of the exercise and increased muscle.  However we have still made a lot of progress! 

Last night we spent time playing outside with the kids.  The kids rode their bikes, scooters, quads (we ran after them and chased balls down the street). Then we went inside for dinner.  My niece and I made the zucchini cakes from the recipe I shared.  This was my second time making them, and they turned out better than the first time! It was so great to be able to cook healthy with her.  This is why I want to change my lifestyle so badly, not just so I become healthy and lose weight, but so my daughter and niece and nephew see me making smart decisions and learning how to make them as well.  It was also great having an assistant that could help out, you know like squeezing all the water out of the zucchini, hey it feels all icky when I do it...why not let the kid "help"?  We sat down as a family, the kids ate (well M and H ate, my little decided that running around was more fun. Her loss, this was a great meal!)  We enjoyed chicken, zucchini cakes, and steamed veggies.  It was a great day. One of my favorite days in fact. 

I've joined some weight loss forums lately just to try to see what others are doing, and see if I can connect with others who are doing or have done a paleo diet and/or gluten free diet.  What I have come to realize is that I am so lucky to have a partner to help me stay on track and motivated.  Not only do I have Lazy Ass, but I have a really amazing BF that helps keep me on track.  When I get a craving, like that oreo cookie cake thing at chills the other night, he convinced me I really didn't want it, even though I kept telling him I did.  In the end I would have regretted it, and he knew it.  So my big suggestion this week for anyone who is working on this resolution of weight loss/ healthy lifestyle etc, find a friend/family member anyone to do it with you or at least support you in it.  It makes such a difference!

Chips-and-dip-aholic

Well I really did it....I went WAY off track last night.  Not completely off the diet/cleanse, but I way overate and I'm paying for it.

Let me set the scene for you, family dinner, birthday celebration, Mexican restaurant.  I love mexican.  I was nervous at first.  Last year when I did the cleanse I think I had way more self motivation.  If my family was going out to a restaurant last year, I would skip it unless it was on my approved restaurant list.  (There are really only like 2 in the area that I feel are okay to eat at during the cleanse.)  However last night I was weak.  It was Lazy's birthday and man I have been craving Mexican.

I had no idea what I could order...everything has dairy and I already had my dairy this week.  I have been trying to limit my dairy even though it was cleared for me to eat after the cleanse last year.  Looking over the menu I thought I found something safe- the taco salad, minus the sour cream.  I left the cheese on it as it is just a little bit sprinkled on the top.  Pinto beans, lettuce, chicken, tomatoes.  Not a bad meal to be honest.

However the chips were 100% corn.  You know what that means? GLUTEN FREE.  Chips are my downfall.  I'm a huge chips and dip girl.  I don't think you can really ever go wrong with chips and dip.  Some good restaurant corn chips with in house made salsa....the best of the chips and dip family.  I easily ate a basket of chips all by myself.  Then I demolished my salad.  It was like I had never seen food before. By the end of the meal I was SO STUFFED I thought I would literally explode.

Was it worth it? Normally I would say yes, I love food.  But this time I'm really disappointed with myself.  I had a goal to hit 155 before the end of this cleanse and I am not so sure it is going to happen now as I have gained some serious weight from my fun eating last night.  Hell it was really more like binge eating. Add that to the binge eating from Sunday's game and what has happened is I have really back tracked.  Why is my motivation so much different this year than last year?

To start to compensate for my Mexican downfall from last night I went out for a run this morning.  I started out with my brisk walk to warm up sent a quick text to lazy to let her know I was out being active.  (she always makes me feel so supported and excited to run.) And then I went to put on my carefully constructed playlist.....that apparently was no longer on my phone....along with all of my music which has magically disappeared since last night.  Except one album.  Glee's Christmas album.  Well.  Some music is better than none.  At least I thought it would be. There is just something about trying to run to Blue Christmas that just isn't right.  My pace was horrible, I was not pumped up.  In fact I just really wanted to get home, get under a blanket and start a fire in the fire place.  It was really not good music to run to.  I got two miles down at my standard 15/min/mile pace.  I did not burn near as many calories as I would have liked, but I am determined to at least get back to 158, if not 155 in the next few days.

Lazy mentioned continuing with the cleanse for another month.  Unfortunately you cannot take the pills and the PaleoCleanse for more than the 28 days, on the bright side you can do the cleanse ever few months.  So my goal will be to keep up with the diet (gluten free, sugar free, soy free etc) as long as possible now instead of just staying gluten free.  I need to make up some serious ground for last night.

Thank you!!!

Hey Everyone!! 

Over night we hit 1,000 views to the blog.  Lazy and I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you! We really appreciate all the love and support our friends and family have given us. Thanks again to our followers and everyone who has been sharing our blog with their friends and family. Thanks again! 

Fatty & Lazy Ass

exercising leads to bleeding of the face

if i could summarize today in one word it would be: holyfreakingcrapmyabshavebeenreplacedwithtinyangryevilelves. it's a word. i looked it up. hey, at least i didn't push a hash tag in front of it.

the sad part is, i barely did anything yesterday. i did a handful of crunches and pretended like i was on So You Think You Can Dance for maybe 15 mins. i also used 'taking pictures to document this' as an excuse to step away for a second every 2 minutes. i didn't run a marathon. i didn't climb mount everest. i put on some clothes that once fit me but seem to have shrunk in the wash and cut off my circulation for most of the workout. i'm pretty sure that's the only reason i lasted 20 mins. i couldn't feel the lower half of my body.

i had plans of working out today but instead convinced myself my kids need a 'rainy day activity day'. we baked. we played candyland and memory. i taught M Yahtzee and lost miserably (and realized my 5 year old is better than me in... well... everything). i did this all under the guise of being a 'good mom'. really, i just needed to stay seated as long as possible. it was a win-win. the kids got good and messy, i got to keep the angry elves happy. M laughed a lot. H peed on my foot. i had to look away as i couldn't move fast enough to get my foot out from under him. really, just a typical day in my household.

i also realized baking was not a good project for a diet. not. at. all. fresh baked cookies? normally not a huge issue for me but i needed comfort. i had the man flu of the abs. i had to laugh at myself when i then made some gluten free pasta for dinner. i learned very quickly that laughing was entirely too painful so it ended in this funky snort thing that caused a bloody nose. i also learned that one must make sure that they flush the toilet after throwing the bloody nose tp away or one's 5 year old might think she started her period. oops. mom fail.

tomorrow i exercise. my mini guru will make sure of it.